I realize that God is not all that I think He is. He is so much more.
When I think of God, I think of Him as being really loving. Like…I have this image in my head of me running into His arms and sitting on His lap as He holds me and all I’m feeling is the warmth of His unending, unfailing love and embrace. I also know that God is holy, perfect, merciful, etc. He is all these things but all that I am thinking of now is so little to who God really is and how much greater He is.
I was just thinking about all that God really is and how I will never be able to accurately describe what God is all about. Like…to me…whatever it is that I know about love or think I know about love is nothing close to God’s love. Whatever sacrifice it is that I think I am making is TINY compared to the gift of sacrifice He gave us. I mean…that’s pretty much a “well duh, Charlene…” but…just THINK about it. For a really, really, really long time.
Sometimes I ask myself, “Am I struggling for the gospel? Am I striving to be in God’s favor?” I ask myself these questions because I’ve been feeling like such a failure. And…that’s just it. I am a failure but because of God and all and who He is…I can fall and be brought back knowing that, although I am a failure, God is so much more than I believe Him to be.
I also ask myself, “Why is it that I am so desperate to seek love from people?” or “Why do I let myself fall so easily?” And I get disappointed…over and over and over again with myself.
Love God. Love His people.
Do I even really know what that means? How can I serve His people if I am not even completely surrendered to Him?
I’ve been reading the book of Philippians and it’s funny because for almost every bible study I’ve had at church or whatever else it’s been on Philippians. God’s probably trying to tell me something but I’m just not getting it. Because…I feel like I never do.
I serve a God of yesterday, today, and tomorrow. A God of forever. He will never change.
